Quite a name for a moon occasion. Quite a big deal for a great many people. A couple hours ago, I brought my crystals and a cup of tap water outside and sat in the snow while my water and crystals and myself absorbed the eclipse. The eclipse is going to be something different for everyone, but from all my sources the majority of the population is using this time as a time to bring up old issues that they’re still holding onto and releasing them. I’ve decided that this eclipse is signaling the real start of my year. 2019 is barely a month old and I’ve already slacked just as much as I’ve been doing, and I hate it. I’m going to do thing’s I’ve told myself I’ve wanted to do for so long, and things I’ve needed to do.Things have changed in this year and the change energy is obvious.
I went to my house that I was kicked out of the other weekend. It was a quick visit, to see my dying dog before she moved on. A shocking discovery as I arrived, Chloe, an almost 12 year old lab, had lymphoma for a while now. According to trusted sources, she had begun doing the thing that nearly every pet does when they’re about to move on: Stopped eating and refused to leave her bed for days. I was told that I should come in and see her ASAP, so I did. When I arrived, she was, improving. Before I could get there the diagnosis was finalised and she begun taking Prednisone, the ultimate steroid for dogs. It only took a day for her to finally get up and start to eat again. I witnessed her try her damned hardest to jump up on me when I walked in the door, a painful tradition that has lasted since her tiny pup days, and later I got to see her scarf down a nice batch of hamburger meat. The doctor visit went from “Start saying your goodbyes” to “She’ll probably last a few more months” in just a day on a new medication. Is she going to go soon? Absolutely, she’d aging and the lymphoma is going to keep running it’s course, but she will fight to keep running as long as she can. The visitation was mainly for Chloe, but I had to face my dad and stepmother too. Several awkward conversations of “What is your life like now”, I’m pretty sure we’ve all caught up on enough for a year. I had a great deal of anxiety returning, I almost turned around after my two hour trip. I survived it, and we didn’t have any violent arguments. We had some concerning discussions, but nothing actually bad happened. I saw other family too, all people that are still so clueless to what actually happened and think I’ve just been so buried in school and work to come home. A new dog joined the household with Chloe: a little shorkie named Leo, a little shit too, but an adorable one at that. Chloe is one of those jealous boy/girlfriend dogs that hates seeing her owners even look towards another dog, making any socialization with Leo awkward and almost betraying, her damn eyes. My brother and sister have also changed, drastically in looks, but their unique personalities have stayed. Lots of things were done around that house too. Half the furniture was unrecognizable.
Change is bound to happen every day in life. A change could also be going to see that family you haven’t seen in so long. The main thing I take from that visit is that we have not come close to fully forgiving each other yet, nor are we close to being true friends again, but we’ve started to return, started to move on. There are things I want to do this year, things that I should have done ages ago, things that will be difficult to do, and things I don’t even need to do but want to for the Hell of it. Tonight, I told the Goddess that I was her newest child, and I took a sip of my blessed water for her. I never thought I would do anything like this, I never knew what having freedom to choose was really like. I also started a new job a the first week of this year, one with an insanely better pay and benefits than my last, it just requires such a different environment than what I have been comfortable in. I also went up the the LGBTQ resource center coordinator Shaun at the end of last year and said I would do Queer Monologues like he’s been bugging me to do. I don’t even like public speaking unless I’m in a fictional costume with a fake name, why did I say I would actually do it?! Oh well, no backing out now, and he seems so happy I’m finally socialising and being involved in a non-behind-the-scenes position, also a place I’m comfortable in. I still can;t believe I said I would, and I haven’t even begun to write my monologue yet.
It’s about 14 degrees Fahrenheit here in Missouri, and I decided I would go outside and sit down in the snow for about 15 minutes for a moon. It was way too cloudy so I had a live stream from NASA playing on my phone. At least the sky was a mysterious red colour. I came inside from the moon event feeling oddly happy, nearly frozen, but smiling and laughing. Whether you watched it or felt it, whatever the eclipse and super blood wolf moon did for you, I hope it was good whether everyone.
Do whatever the Hell you want to do this year!- EmmiR