For nearly three weeks, I was trapped at home from being sick with a cold and having an adverse reaction to a new medication. To keep myself and others safe, I stayed home and didn’t work. While I lost a significant portion of two paychecks and some physical strength, I found that I needed the time off more than I thought, physically and mentally.
Why trying to remain conscious and not dizzy for three weeks, I also focused on my mental health. This is something I say I have been doing for a while, but not to the extent I needed. Almost three weeks away from the public, from stocking materials, from driving, from dealing with anyone except my one roommate, it was a peaceful three weeks. I used the time to try legit meditation, actually clearing my mind, which is still not easy for someone with anxiety. During the witching hour on a few nights, I went to the pond near my apartment complex. I laid down on the dock for about 20-30 minutes, not doing anything, just looking around at nature and up at the sky. I sat down in my room and watched some tv and played some games I haven’t touched or watched in months. For the first time in a few years, I had a time when I was off of everything for more than a few days. No work, no school, no worrying about life for the most part.
There was the occasional drawback. Every night I wondered how they were doing at work. I contemplated if I was actually physically able to survive eight hours of physically straining activity and thinking. I was concerned about my condition, and it took two weeks to discover that it was a newly prescribed medication harming me. I let anxiety make me wonder about life, my ability to work, and of course, the ongoing pandemic. However, my amount of worry was not like my everyday worry during a typical day. I found myself worrying less and less about my future and the state of the world each day quarantined in my house or sitting by the water outside. It’s like I could actually sit down and just relax and be in the moment for once in my life, even if I was not physically well.
I still feel the occasional fatigue and a few moments of disorientation here and there, but I am better and have returned to work. I do not feel like I have been completely cured physically and mentally, but I feel simply better. I am calmer and at peace with the world situation and my own situation. Perhaps this incident was me realising I just needed to not be productive for a short while. No matter how much I consciously and subconsciously believe I need to be productive at all times, it helped me to not be in that state for just a little bit. It’s made me realise how many times I haven’t listened to a straightforward piece of advice many have told me before: Take time to heal yourself. The job can wait, the stories and posts can wait, the studies can wait. Being mentally occupied by “work” at all times is no longer healthy.
Take the time off that you need, when you need it.
Blessed Be- Raven